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phantismaFandom: Stargate Atlantis/Supernatural
Title: Don't Think We're in Kansas, Part 14
Characters/Pairings: John Sheppard/Sam Winchester, Dean Winchester/Sam Winchester, implied Sam/Dean/John, Rodney McKay
Word Count: 3457
Rating: NC-17
Summary: Following the run in with Wraith-Meg, and the revelations that spawned, Sam is doing his best to appear open and sharing with his brother and John, but neither of them are fully buying it. They set out to get the rest of the truth.
A/Ns & Warnings: This took way too long to get back to. I apologize. Also, lots of angst.
“Sam?” Dean had given his brother space, had tried not to push, but they were back up on rotation, and their team was moving out, so his brother really needed to get his shit together. Dean stepped around the pile of gear near the door just as Sam burst out the door of the bathroom. “There you are.”
“Yeah, sorry. Running late. I got a stupid bloody nose.” He pulled his vest on over the uniform jacket. “I think it’s all this salt air.”
“You okay?” Dean asked, turning Sam so he could get a look at his face.
“Yeah, I’m good.”
“Because if you’re not—“
“Dean, stop.”
Sam was opened up to him, letting Dean feel whatever he was feeling and Dean took a good feel around. “Yeah, okay. Good. John’s waiting.”
Things had been tense at times since they’d found Meg inside a Wraith queen, since he and John had realized that Sam had learned how to control his end of the connection…since they had forced Sam to realize he couldn’t keep hiding from them. But whenever they pressed, Sam would open up, even if he wasn’t talking, he was at least not blocking anything that Dean could tell.
Sam grabbed at his gear and led the way out of their room and down the hall. John and Rodney were waiting by the gate. “Where are Ronon and Teyla?” Sam asked.
Dean clapped a hand to his shoulder. “If you had made it to the briefing, you’d know they’re helping Lorne out.”
“Just the four of us this trip.” John said.
Sam nodded and buckled his pack on, securing his gun to his thigh. “And we’re going to P2X-981? The place with the outpost Rodney wanted to look at?”
“And an annoying number of children.” Rodney added, distaste showing on his face.
The gate came to life and Elizabeth stepped out to see them off. Dean nodded her way as he followed Sam to the gate, falling in to step with John. “Everything okay?” John asked softly as Sam and Rodney disappeared into the event horizon.
Dean nodded. “I think so.” They stepped through the gate and out onto a sunshine drenched afternoon. The local elders were waiting for them, though elders was a bit of an exaggeration considering none of them were much older than 30.
“Colonel Sheppard, it is good to see you again.”
“Damon Elder, I’d like you to meet my newest team members, Sam and Dean.”
“It is our pleasure.” The speaker was a man of maybe 28 with the blondest hair Dean had ever seen. “As requested, we have cleared the path to the pass. Tomorrow, our guides will take you there. Tonight, we will feast and thank the Ancestors for good friends.”
Dean did his best not to roll his eyes. They’d only been at this for a few months and he was already done with the whole feasting and harvest celebration crap. Sam seemed to enjoy it, taking notes on the tablet Elizabeth had given him, like he was some sort of anthropologist. Dean followed Sheppard away from the gate and down a long trail through dense woods to a village that looked medieval at best.
Of course, Weir had been giving them easy missions, and Dean knew that the rest of the team, except possibly McKay, were restless. He was too. But, after the whole thing with Meg and the concern that came with demons possessing monsters, not to mention Sam’s emotional state and the uncertainty of his psychic shit, none of them really wanted to push too hard just yet either.
Fortunately for Teyla and Ronon, they could find a little action with other teams. The connection that bound Dean to Sheppard and Sam meant they were stuck babysitting McKay. Which meant feasts.
McKay hadn’t been kidding about the kids, Dean realized as they made their way to the town square. There seemed to be at least three to every adult he could see, and they all came running toward them, squealing with excitement.
“Wow.”
Sheppard grinned at him. “They settle down. Just give it a few minutes.”
Sam laughed and Dean looked up to see two girls grabbing his hands, pulling him toward a tiny table strewn with tiny dishes and dolls. “Well, I guess we don’t have to worry about him.” John said, turning to Damon Elder. “So, any trouble since we were last here?”
“No, Colonel Sheppard, it has been a most peaceful year. We are grateful for your help.”
“Help?” Dean asked. Unlike his younger brother, he hadn’t read every single mission report.
“Our first trip here we helped them broker a deal with another village that ended a centuries worth of raids.”
Dean nodded and watched his brother play with the kids. It was nice to see him relax a little. “Okay, so….what are we doing here?”
“There’s an outpost up in the mountains. We think the Ancients were watching these people, and protecting them. Rodney wants a closer look at the tech.”
Of course he did. “So, we babysit?”
“We babysit.” John agreed.
“Awesome.”
Sam moved around the console where Rodney was working, his eyes slipping over the various controls, then back to the door. He was on guard duty, keeping Rodney safe in here while his brother and John walked a perimeter outside to make sure they didn’t have any uninvited guests.
Not that any of them really expected any.
“Do you mind?” Rodney asked, not looking up from what he was doing.
“What am I doing?” Sam asked, stopping his fifth or sixth circuit of the room.
“Hovering.”
“I’m walking.” Sam argued.
“In circles. Around me. It’s making me nervous.”
“Sorry. What would you rather I did?”
Finally Rodney looked up, exasperated. “Something else?”
“I am supposed to keep an eye on you.”
Rodney sighed and shook his head.
Sam stopped at the doorway and turned to look at Rodney. The brilliant man looked tired, cranky. “You don’t like us very much.” Sam said softly.
“What?” Rodney looked up, scowling. “I never said that.”
“You don’t have to. It’s in the way you ignore us, the way we irritate you.”
Rodney shook his head. “No. Everyone irritates me. You’re not special.” He leaned in, then pulled his table to him. “Now, if we’re done, I have work to do.”
“I’ll leave you to it.”
Sam stepped out of the room, taking up station outside the door instead. Dean and John would be back soon and he’d be able to trade places, move around a bit. Standing still wasn’t really something he was good at anymore.
He sighed and rubbed a hand over his face. There seemed to be so little he was good at anymore. Ever since their run in with Henrickson…with the demon. At least in the months since they’d run into Meg again he’d been able to find some semblance of balance. Of course, part of that was the fact that Elizabeth kept them on milk-run missions like this one. Very little chance of running into trouble.
In the meantime, other teams were hunting for Meg and her hive. He knew that Ronon and John and even Dean were chaffing at the inaction. He knew it was his fault. He just hadn’t been able to figure out a way around it. Though, to be fair, they hadn’t tested the distance issue in a while.
“Hey.”
Sam looked up as Dean joined him. “Hey.”
“It’s all quiet out there.” Dean said, glancing around Sam into the room.
“Here too. McKay is…working.” Sam sighed and leaned back against the wall. “I’m sorry.”
Dean frowned at him. “Why?”
“I know you’d rather be somewhere else.” He glanced down the hall as Sheppard started toward them. “All of you.”
“To hear McKay tell it, this is important.” Dean countered. “Nothing to be sorry about.”
“Who’s sorry?”
Sam felt the way Dean and John sort of snapped together as they got close. It was amazing really, how in sync they had become. Suddenly John was in his face, holding a hand to the side of Sam’s head. “Stop.” His voice was soft, but his word cut through Sam’s thought pattern. “No self pity here. None.”
Sam nodded, closing his eyes and pulling back into himself.
John stepped back as Rodney appeared, still frowning. “I’m done here.” Rodney said.
“And?” John asked.
Rodney shook his head. “And nothing. It really isn’t much more than an observation point. No real technology that we haven’t seen. No ZPM. There’s a big database on local wildlife, maybe some interesting research on edible plant life that I’ll hand off to the botany department, but that’s it.” He poked at his tablet, then looked up. “We can go.”
“Just like that?” Dean asked as Rodney headed for the door.
“They don’t all have to end up with screams and running for the gate.” Rodney responded, still moving away from them.
“Come on. If we hurry, we can get back in time for movie night.” Sheppard said. “Daedalus brought a whole new batch of DVDs.”
“Yeah, cause that’s what I live for.” Dean said, following him.
John turned to look at him, one eyebrow lifting. Sam could feel the direct surge of desire that said there was a lot more than DVDs waiting for him if he hurried and Dean’s body language changed almost immediately. Sam couldn’t help but laugh as Dean waggled his eyebrows and reached back to grab Sam by his vest.
“Come on, Sammy. Don’t want to miss movie night.”
Sam was dripping sweat and panting as his sparring partners backed off. He grabbed at his towel and wiped his face, lifting a hand as the two lieutenants grabbed their gear and headed out of the gym to get ready for their shift.
“Dean said I’d find you here.”
Sam whirled, relaxing a little when it was Sheppard who was filling the doorway.
“Yeah, needed a good work out.”
“Dean says you’ve been down here a lot.”
Sam could feel his concern, despite the very relaxed tone in his voice. He shrugged and nodded. “Just trying to get in better shape.”
John moved into the room, running his hand over the locking mechanism as the door closed. “From where I stand, you’re in pretty good shape already?”
His eyes followed the line of Sam’s arms, down to his ass, then flicked back up to his face. Sam smirked and hung his head a little. “You looking with the eyes of a commanding officer, or the eyes of a guy who wants to get laid?”
John grinned. “Both?”
Sam shook his head. “Shouldn’t Dean be here?”
John held out his hands. “What, I can’t show an interest in you without him?”
Sam sort of shrugged. “I mean…he’s the one who’s supposed to…you know…take care of you.”
“And you’re supposed to take care of him.” John countered. “Nothing in there that says I can’t take care of you…or you take care of me.”
Sam licked his lips and dropped his towel. “What did you have in mind?”
John was frowning at him. “I mean…if you don’t want to…” He scratched at the back of his head. “I don’t want to push you.”
Sam shook his head. “That….I don’t mean…” He sat on the mat and dragged his bag closer, pulling out a bottle of water. “Hell, I don’t know what I mean.”
“Okay. Let’s start there.” John sat too, gesturing at Sam. “What’s going on with you?”
“What do you mean?” Sam asked, sipping at his water.
“Dean says you’re having nightmares, and nose bleeds.”
“Dean talks too much.” Sam pushed the anger away. He didn’t want to be angry with his brother. It wasn’t his fault. None of it was. “I’m better. Carson gave me a nose spray to try to get the nosebleeds to stop.”
“Okay. And the nightmares?” John asked.
Sam sighed. “I’ve been having nightmares since I was little.”
“But these are different somehow?”
He got up to pace, suddenly restless. John wasn’t wrong. They were different. Ever since Henrickson. But Dean couldn’t know. “I…” He huffed and turned, surprised to find John right there. His kiss caught Sam by surprise.
John’s hand caressed over Sam’s cheek, even as he pulled back. “Tell me.”
Sam hugged himself and turned away, not sure he could admit to the thoughts in his head, to the things the demon had done to him…said to him.
“I get that this is about the demon thing, back on earth.” John said. “And it’s something you’re trying to keep from Dean. I’m not Dean.” John followed him slowly as Sam moved around the room that was suddenly too small. “I can feel how scared you are, Sam. And it’s getting in the way of doing what you need to.”
“What I need to?” Sam didn’t even know what that was anymore. “We should be out there looking for her.”
“For the demon, who is inside a Wraith queen.”
Sam pulled a hand through sweaty hair and nodded. “We need to stop her.”
“Stop her from what?” John asked, moving closer.
Sam didn’t know, not really.
“Is she the reason you’re working yourself to exhaustion when we aren’t out on a mission?” John’s hand touched his shoulder. “You think that if you just…what, get bigger, faster, stronger…somehow that will make the next encounter go the way you want it to?”
“No. Not exactly.” Sam turned to look at him. “I just…don’t want to fail. Again.”
“Fail at what?” John asked, his voice soft.
Sam closed his eyes. “Saving someone I love.” He swallowed the lump of fear. “In my dreams, Dean dies…the same way my mother did. The same way Jess did. And I can’t stop it.” His shoulders slumped as the scene replayed in his mind. “Just like when it was Jess…I saw it happen in my dreams weeks before it happened. Only this time I know they’re real.” He shuddered, and felt John behind him, strong and solid, even before his hands settled on Sam’s hips.
“How do you know?” John asked, his voice barely above a whisper in Sam’s ear.
Sam’s eyes closed against the pain as his stomach twisted. “I can feel it. Inside me.” Inside the part of him that belonged to the Yellow Eyed Demon.
John’s hands squeezed on his hips. “That, right there. What was that?”
Sam blinked, thinking he had blocked the mental overflow. “What?”
“You’re not the only one practicing, Sam.” John said, turning him around. “I need you to understand that I want to help you. I want to be more than just this guy you are stuck tethered to.”
Sam pulled away, but John followed him. “No. It’s bad enough…”
John stepped in front of him and stopped him, both hands on Sam’s chest. There was a strange feeling, like John was pushing to make himself felt across their connection, and then a pop, and Sam no longer had control of what flowed between them, the command structure built into the alien devices putting John in charge.
He backpedaled until he was against the wall, John’s hands hot on the skin of his chest, air burning in his lungs as he tried to escape a surge of emotion from John: frustration, fear, anger, affection…it was too much and he couldn’t escape it. Worse, he couldn’t stop his own surge of emotion over the connection either…all of the dread and self-loathing he’d been bottling up, and all the reasons for it…the images of Henrickson’s face, all twisted up, his eyes yellow, his breath foul as he whispered in Sam’s ear, told Sam what he was.
”I can show you worlds you’ve never seen, Sammy.” His touch was cold on Sam’s overheated skin, his fingers pressing against bruises already there. “I can give Dean to you forever.”
“Get off me you son of a bitch.” He struggled against the chains, though he knew it was no use.
“I can show you power like you’ve never known.” There was a thumb rubbing on Sam’s lip, pushing into his mouth. Blood coated his tongue and his body shivered. “That’s it, just like that night in your nursery, Sammy. The night I made you mine.”
“No!” Sam pulled away, his whole body seizing up. “No. No. Stop.” He was falling and couldn’t breathe as panic and remembered pain crashed through him.
“Sam, hey, breathe. Come on, breathe.”
John was there, right there, his hands soothing, his presence nearly inside of him, pushing back the fear a little. Under the fear was another memory, one that Sam had fought to hide, the rush of strength, of arousal, of power that filled him when Henrickson’s blood filled his mouth.
There was no denying it, no denying his reaction to it, his desire for it, the way his body craved it. Not with John so far inside him, not with his cock hard and pressing against John’s arm. John moved so that he was straddling Sam, pressing their cocks together. “Is that all of it?” John asked, rubbing against Sam. “Is there more?”
Sam wanted to deny it, but the heat where their bodies pressed together made it hard to think. Meg. The image of her inside that monster’s body, her hand so intimately pressed to his thigh filled him, the rush of her feeding life into him, so much more potent than just demon’s blood, it had blown his senses into orbit, filled him with a power he had never felt.
He tried to roll away, but John wouldn’t let him, his hand delving into Sam’s sweats, pulling his cock out. “I want to know, Sam.” John said, his own cock out now and he started to jack them both at once.
It spilled through him then, the dreams…arguing with Dean, demons pouring through the gate, occupying Wraith armies, Dean pinned to the ceiling, bleeding out…his blood pouring over Sam’s face as he laughed.
Sam came suddenly, gasping. His come mixed with John’s, spilling against his stomach. He covered his face with his hands, but John pulled them away.
“Look at me, Sam.”
Dean was nearby, Sam could feel him….worried, frustrated…but letting John take the lead. Sam blinked, looking up at John. “You are not a bad man.”
Sam struggled to pull his hands free. “You don’t know that.”
“I do know that.” John didn’t let go, but sat back a little. “I know that the first thing you thought about doing with that power she gave you was killing her…but she took it away again before you could…and after that, you were too muddled by the torture of it to pull it together enough to try.”
Sam frowned up at him. “What?”
John shook his head. “Your brother was right. Sam, while you’re busy focusing on how good it felt, how you wanted more, you’ve completely over looked your initial reaction.” He let go of Sam’s hands and stood. “You need to get out of your own head a little bit.”
“Wait. What?” Sam sat up suddenly, realizing that John’s words implied Dean already knew.
John actually laughed. “You sleep in the same bed, are psychically connected to him and have nightmares about it. Did you think you could keep it from him?”
“Shit. Shit.” Sam climbed to his feet. Dean was going to kill him now for sure. If he knew, if he could see…John grabbed his shoulders and shook him.
“He knows. He loves you. He is not going to kill you.”
“But, he…I—“
John kissed him, then headed for the door. “Maybe I should let him explain.”
The door opened and Dean stood there, fists clenched, his face red. “I’ve done what I can.” John said, kissing Dean lightly.
Dean didn’t say anything as John left and the door closed, or for a few minutes after that. Just as Sam was about to apologize, Dean surged across the room and grabbed him, pulling him in, covering Sam’s mouth with his own. Desire and love and more crashed into him, through him as Dean kissed him.
He was breathing hard when Dean finally ended the kiss and he opened his eyes, surprised to find them both on their knees, surprised more by the tears on his face…and the tears on Dean’s. “He can’t have you, Sam. He can never have you. You belong to me.” Dean’s kiss was fierce. “No matter what he tries to put inside you, Sammy, you are a Winchester first. Dad was wrong, Sam.”
The fervency of Dean’s belief was hard to deny, it swelled across their link, filling Sam up. He nodded, relinquishing himself into it. Maybe if he believed it too, it would be enough.
Title: Don't Think We're in Kansas, Part 14
Characters/Pairings: John Sheppard/Sam Winchester, Dean Winchester/Sam Winchester, implied Sam/Dean/John, Rodney McKay
Word Count: 3457
Rating: NC-17
Summary: Following the run in with Wraith-Meg, and the revelations that spawned, Sam is doing his best to appear open and sharing with his brother and John, but neither of them are fully buying it. They set out to get the rest of the truth.
A/Ns & Warnings: This took way too long to get back to. I apologize. Also, lots of angst.
“Sam?” Dean had given his brother space, had tried not to push, but they were back up on rotation, and their team was moving out, so his brother really needed to get his shit together. Dean stepped around the pile of gear near the door just as Sam burst out the door of the bathroom. “There you are.”
“Yeah, sorry. Running late. I got a stupid bloody nose.” He pulled his vest on over the uniform jacket. “I think it’s all this salt air.”
“You okay?” Dean asked, turning Sam so he could get a look at his face.
“Yeah, I’m good.”
“Because if you’re not—“
“Dean, stop.”
Sam was opened up to him, letting Dean feel whatever he was feeling and Dean took a good feel around. “Yeah, okay. Good. John’s waiting.”
Things had been tense at times since they’d found Meg inside a Wraith queen, since he and John had realized that Sam had learned how to control his end of the connection…since they had forced Sam to realize he couldn’t keep hiding from them. But whenever they pressed, Sam would open up, even if he wasn’t talking, he was at least not blocking anything that Dean could tell.
Sam grabbed at his gear and led the way out of their room and down the hall. John and Rodney were waiting by the gate. “Where are Ronon and Teyla?” Sam asked.
Dean clapped a hand to his shoulder. “If you had made it to the briefing, you’d know they’re helping Lorne out.”
“Just the four of us this trip.” John said.
Sam nodded and buckled his pack on, securing his gun to his thigh. “And we’re going to P2X-981? The place with the outpost Rodney wanted to look at?”
“And an annoying number of children.” Rodney added, distaste showing on his face.
The gate came to life and Elizabeth stepped out to see them off. Dean nodded her way as he followed Sam to the gate, falling in to step with John. “Everything okay?” John asked softly as Sam and Rodney disappeared into the event horizon.
Dean nodded. “I think so.” They stepped through the gate and out onto a sunshine drenched afternoon. The local elders were waiting for them, though elders was a bit of an exaggeration considering none of them were much older than 30.
“Colonel Sheppard, it is good to see you again.”
“Damon Elder, I’d like you to meet my newest team members, Sam and Dean.”
“It is our pleasure.” The speaker was a man of maybe 28 with the blondest hair Dean had ever seen. “As requested, we have cleared the path to the pass. Tomorrow, our guides will take you there. Tonight, we will feast and thank the Ancestors for good friends.”
Dean did his best not to roll his eyes. They’d only been at this for a few months and he was already done with the whole feasting and harvest celebration crap. Sam seemed to enjoy it, taking notes on the tablet Elizabeth had given him, like he was some sort of anthropologist. Dean followed Sheppard away from the gate and down a long trail through dense woods to a village that looked medieval at best.
Of course, Weir had been giving them easy missions, and Dean knew that the rest of the team, except possibly McKay, were restless. He was too. But, after the whole thing with Meg and the concern that came with demons possessing monsters, not to mention Sam’s emotional state and the uncertainty of his psychic shit, none of them really wanted to push too hard just yet either.
Fortunately for Teyla and Ronon, they could find a little action with other teams. The connection that bound Dean to Sheppard and Sam meant they were stuck babysitting McKay. Which meant feasts.
McKay hadn’t been kidding about the kids, Dean realized as they made their way to the town square. There seemed to be at least three to every adult he could see, and they all came running toward them, squealing with excitement.
“Wow.”
Sheppard grinned at him. “They settle down. Just give it a few minutes.”
Sam laughed and Dean looked up to see two girls grabbing his hands, pulling him toward a tiny table strewn with tiny dishes and dolls. “Well, I guess we don’t have to worry about him.” John said, turning to Damon Elder. “So, any trouble since we were last here?”
“No, Colonel Sheppard, it has been a most peaceful year. We are grateful for your help.”
“Help?” Dean asked. Unlike his younger brother, he hadn’t read every single mission report.
“Our first trip here we helped them broker a deal with another village that ended a centuries worth of raids.”
Dean nodded and watched his brother play with the kids. It was nice to see him relax a little. “Okay, so….what are we doing here?”
“There’s an outpost up in the mountains. We think the Ancients were watching these people, and protecting them. Rodney wants a closer look at the tech.”
Of course he did. “So, we babysit?”
“We babysit.” John agreed.
“Awesome.”
Sam moved around the console where Rodney was working, his eyes slipping over the various controls, then back to the door. He was on guard duty, keeping Rodney safe in here while his brother and John walked a perimeter outside to make sure they didn’t have any uninvited guests.
Not that any of them really expected any.
“Do you mind?” Rodney asked, not looking up from what he was doing.
“What am I doing?” Sam asked, stopping his fifth or sixth circuit of the room.
“Hovering.”
“I’m walking.” Sam argued.
“In circles. Around me. It’s making me nervous.”
“Sorry. What would you rather I did?”
Finally Rodney looked up, exasperated. “Something else?”
“I am supposed to keep an eye on you.”
Rodney sighed and shook his head.
Sam stopped at the doorway and turned to look at Rodney. The brilliant man looked tired, cranky. “You don’t like us very much.” Sam said softly.
“What?” Rodney looked up, scowling. “I never said that.”
“You don’t have to. It’s in the way you ignore us, the way we irritate you.”
Rodney shook his head. “No. Everyone irritates me. You’re not special.” He leaned in, then pulled his table to him. “Now, if we’re done, I have work to do.”
“I’ll leave you to it.”
Sam stepped out of the room, taking up station outside the door instead. Dean and John would be back soon and he’d be able to trade places, move around a bit. Standing still wasn’t really something he was good at anymore.
He sighed and rubbed a hand over his face. There seemed to be so little he was good at anymore. Ever since their run in with Henrickson…with the demon. At least in the months since they’d run into Meg again he’d been able to find some semblance of balance. Of course, part of that was the fact that Elizabeth kept them on milk-run missions like this one. Very little chance of running into trouble.
In the meantime, other teams were hunting for Meg and her hive. He knew that Ronon and John and even Dean were chaffing at the inaction. He knew it was his fault. He just hadn’t been able to figure out a way around it. Though, to be fair, they hadn’t tested the distance issue in a while.
“Hey.”
Sam looked up as Dean joined him. “Hey.”
“It’s all quiet out there.” Dean said, glancing around Sam into the room.
“Here too. McKay is…working.” Sam sighed and leaned back against the wall. “I’m sorry.”
Dean frowned at him. “Why?”
“I know you’d rather be somewhere else.” He glanced down the hall as Sheppard started toward them. “All of you.”
“To hear McKay tell it, this is important.” Dean countered. “Nothing to be sorry about.”
“Who’s sorry?”
Sam felt the way Dean and John sort of snapped together as they got close. It was amazing really, how in sync they had become. Suddenly John was in his face, holding a hand to the side of Sam’s head. “Stop.” His voice was soft, but his word cut through Sam’s thought pattern. “No self pity here. None.”
Sam nodded, closing his eyes and pulling back into himself.
John stepped back as Rodney appeared, still frowning. “I’m done here.” Rodney said.
“And?” John asked.
Rodney shook his head. “And nothing. It really isn’t much more than an observation point. No real technology that we haven’t seen. No ZPM. There’s a big database on local wildlife, maybe some interesting research on edible plant life that I’ll hand off to the botany department, but that’s it.” He poked at his tablet, then looked up. “We can go.”
“Just like that?” Dean asked as Rodney headed for the door.
“They don’t all have to end up with screams and running for the gate.” Rodney responded, still moving away from them.
“Come on. If we hurry, we can get back in time for movie night.” Sheppard said. “Daedalus brought a whole new batch of DVDs.”
“Yeah, cause that’s what I live for.” Dean said, following him.
John turned to look at him, one eyebrow lifting. Sam could feel the direct surge of desire that said there was a lot more than DVDs waiting for him if he hurried and Dean’s body language changed almost immediately. Sam couldn’t help but laugh as Dean waggled his eyebrows and reached back to grab Sam by his vest.
“Come on, Sammy. Don’t want to miss movie night.”
Sam was dripping sweat and panting as his sparring partners backed off. He grabbed at his towel and wiped his face, lifting a hand as the two lieutenants grabbed their gear and headed out of the gym to get ready for their shift.
“Dean said I’d find you here.”
Sam whirled, relaxing a little when it was Sheppard who was filling the doorway.
“Yeah, needed a good work out.”
“Dean says you’ve been down here a lot.”
Sam could feel his concern, despite the very relaxed tone in his voice. He shrugged and nodded. “Just trying to get in better shape.”
John moved into the room, running his hand over the locking mechanism as the door closed. “From where I stand, you’re in pretty good shape already?”
His eyes followed the line of Sam’s arms, down to his ass, then flicked back up to his face. Sam smirked and hung his head a little. “You looking with the eyes of a commanding officer, or the eyes of a guy who wants to get laid?”
John grinned. “Both?”
Sam shook his head. “Shouldn’t Dean be here?”
John held out his hands. “What, I can’t show an interest in you without him?”
Sam sort of shrugged. “I mean…he’s the one who’s supposed to…you know…take care of you.”
“And you’re supposed to take care of him.” John countered. “Nothing in there that says I can’t take care of you…or you take care of me.”
Sam licked his lips and dropped his towel. “What did you have in mind?”
John was frowning at him. “I mean…if you don’t want to…” He scratched at the back of his head. “I don’t want to push you.”
Sam shook his head. “That….I don’t mean…” He sat on the mat and dragged his bag closer, pulling out a bottle of water. “Hell, I don’t know what I mean.”
“Okay. Let’s start there.” John sat too, gesturing at Sam. “What’s going on with you?”
“What do you mean?” Sam asked, sipping at his water.
“Dean says you’re having nightmares, and nose bleeds.”
“Dean talks too much.” Sam pushed the anger away. He didn’t want to be angry with his brother. It wasn’t his fault. None of it was. “I’m better. Carson gave me a nose spray to try to get the nosebleeds to stop.”
“Okay. And the nightmares?” John asked.
Sam sighed. “I’ve been having nightmares since I was little.”
“But these are different somehow?”
He got up to pace, suddenly restless. John wasn’t wrong. They were different. Ever since Henrickson. But Dean couldn’t know. “I…” He huffed and turned, surprised to find John right there. His kiss caught Sam by surprise.
John’s hand caressed over Sam’s cheek, even as he pulled back. “Tell me.”
Sam hugged himself and turned away, not sure he could admit to the thoughts in his head, to the things the demon had done to him…said to him.
“I get that this is about the demon thing, back on earth.” John said. “And it’s something you’re trying to keep from Dean. I’m not Dean.” John followed him slowly as Sam moved around the room that was suddenly too small. “I can feel how scared you are, Sam. And it’s getting in the way of doing what you need to.”
“What I need to?” Sam didn’t even know what that was anymore. “We should be out there looking for her.”
“For the demon, who is inside a Wraith queen.”
Sam pulled a hand through sweaty hair and nodded. “We need to stop her.”
“Stop her from what?” John asked, moving closer.
Sam didn’t know, not really.
“Is she the reason you’re working yourself to exhaustion when we aren’t out on a mission?” John’s hand touched his shoulder. “You think that if you just…what, get bigger, faster, stronger…somehow that will make the next encounter go the way you want it to?”
“No. Not exactly.” Sam turned to look at him. “I just…don’t want to fail. Again.”
“Fail at what?” John asked, his voice soft.
Sam closed his eyes. “Saving someone I love.” He swallowed the lump of fear. “In my dreams, Dean dies…the same way my mother did. The same way Jess did. And I can’t stop it.” His shoulders slumped as the scene replayed in his mind. “Just like when it was Jess…I saw it happen in my dreams weeks before it happened. Only this time I know they’re real.” He shuddered, and felt John behind him, strong and solid, even before his hands settled on Sam’s hips.
“How do you know?” John asked, his voice barely above a whisper in Sam’s ear.
Sam’s eyes closed against the pain as his stomach twisted. “I can feel it. Inside me.” Inside the part of him that belonged to the Yellow Eyed Demon.
John’s hands squeezed on his hips. “That, right there. What was that?”
Sam blinked, thinking he had blocked the mental overflow. “What?”
“You’re not the only one practicing, Sam.” John said, turning him around. “I need you to understand that I want to help you. I want to be more than just this guy you are stuck tethered to.”
Sam pulled away, but John followed him. “No. It’s bad enough…”
John stepped in front of him and stopped him, both hands on Sam’s chest. There was a strange feeling, like John was pushing to make himself felt across their connection, and then a pop, and Sam no longer had control of what flowed between them, the command structure built into the alien devices putting John in charge.
He backpedaled until he was against the wall, John’s hands hot on the skin of his chest, air burning in his lungs as he tried to escape a surge of emotion from John: frustration, fear, anger, affection…it was too much and he couldn’t escape it. Worse, he couldn’t stop his own surge of emotion over the connection either…all of the dread and self-loathing he’d been bottling up, and all the reasons for it…the images of Henrickson’s face, all twisted up, his eyes yellow, his breath foul as he whispered in Sam’s ear, told Sam what he was.
”I can show you worlds you’ve never seen, Sammy.” His touch was cold on Sam’s overheated skin, his fingers pressing against bruises already there. “I can give Dean to you forever.”
“Get off me you son of a bitch.” He struggled against the chains, though he knew it was no use.
“I can show you power like you’ve never known.” There was a thumb rubbing on Sam’s lip, pushing into his mouth. Blood coated his tongue and his body shivered. “That’s it, just like that night in your nursery, Sammy. The night I made you mine.”
“No!” Sam pulled away, his whole body seizing up. “No. No. Stop.” He was falling and couldn’t breathe as panic and remembered pain crashed through him.
“Sam, hey, breathe. Come on, breathe.”
John was there, right there, his hands soothing, his presence nearly inside of him, pushing back the fear a little. Under the fear was another memory, one that Sam had fought to hide, the rush of strength, of arousal, of power that filled him when Henrickson’s blood filled his mouth.
There was no denying it, no denying his reaction to it, his desire for it, the way his body craved it. Not with John so far inside him, not with his cock hard and pressing against John’s arm. John moved so that he was straddling Sam, pressing their cocks together. “Is that all of it?” John asked, rubbing against Sam. “Is there more?”
Sam wanted to deny it, but the heat where their bodies pressed together made it hard to think. Meg. The image of her inside that monster’s body, her hand so intimately pressed to his thigh filled him, the rush of her feeding life into him, so much more potent than just demon’s blood, it had blown his senses into orbit, filled him with a power he had never felt.
He tried to roll away, but John wouldn’t let him, his hand delving into Sam’s sweats, pulling his cock out. “I want to know, Sam.” John said, his own cock out now and he started to jack them both at once.
It spilled through him then, the dreams…arguing with Dean, demons pouring through the gate, occupying Wraith armies, Dean pinned to the ceiling, bleeding out…his blood pouring over Sam’s face as he laughed.
Sam came suddenly, gasping. His come mixed with John’s, spilling against his stomach. He covered his face with his hands, but John pulled them away.
“Look at me, Sam.”
Dean was nearby, Sam could feel him….worried, frustrated…but letting John take the lead. Sam blinked, looking up at John. “You are not a bad man.”
Sam struggled to pull his hands free. “You don’t know that.”
“I do know that.” John didn’t let go, but sat back a little. “I know that the first thing you thought about doing with that power she gave you was killing her…but she took it away again before you could…and after that, you were too muddled by the torture of it to pull it together enough to try.”
Sam frowned up at him. “What?”
John shook his head. “Your brother was right. Sam, while you’re busy focusing on how good it felt, how you wanted more, you’ve completely over looked your initial reaction.” He let go of Sam’s hands and stood. “You need to get out of your own head a little bit.”
“Wait. What?” Sam sat up suddenly, realizing that John’s words implied Dean already knew.
John actually laughed. “You sleep in the same bed, are psychically connected to him and have nightmares about it. Did you think you could keep it from him?”
“Shit. Shit.” Sam climbed to his feet. Dean was going to kill him now for sure. If he knew, if he could see…John grabbed his shoulders and shook him.
“He knows. He loves you. He is not going to kill you.”
“But, he…I—“
John kissed him, then headed for the door. “Maybe I should let him explain.”
The door opened and Dean stood there, fists clenched, his face red. “I’ve done what I can.” John said, kissing Dean lightly.
Dean didn’t say anything as John left and the door closed, or for a few minutes after that. Just as Sam was about to apologize, Dean surged across the room and grabbed him, pulling him in, covering Sam’s mouth with his own. Desire and love and more crashed into him, through him as Dean kissed him.
He was breathing hard when Dean finally ended the kiss and he opened his eyes, surprised to find them both on their knees, surprised more by the tears on his face…and the tears on Dean’s. “He can’t have you, Sam. He can never have you. You belong to me.” Dean’s kiss was fierce. “No matter what he tries to put inside you, Sammy, you are a Winchester first. Dad was wrong, Sam.”
The fervency of Dean’s belief was hard to deny, it swelled across their link, filling Sam up. He nodded, relinquishing himself into it. Maybe if he believed it too, it would be enough.
