Never Could Say Goodbye, SG-1 General
Jul. 17th, 2006 01:22 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
phantismaTitle: Never Could Say Goodbye
Fandom: Stargate SG-1
Characters: General: Jack/Sara, Daniel, Sam
Prompt: table 2, # 001 Disease
Word Count: 972
Rating: PG
Summary: Jack's ex-wife is dying and he comes to say goodbye
WARNING: Minor character death.
My tenth ficlet for my![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-community.gif)
100_situations Table
Jack O’Neill hesitated outside the door to the hospital room. Not an infirmary under a mountain, or some secret government facility, just your average, run of the mill hospital. He hated hospitals, even more than he hated their special little infirmary under the mountain in Colorado or any of the various secret facilities he’d encountered. Everything was so sterile, so white and unreal.
The smell of antiseptic was like the smell of death for him. It meant someone was dying. Someone he cared for. Someone he loved.
And this wasn’t some end-of-the-world, battle-injury or training accident. There wasn’t a bad guy to shoot or anything to fight. It was as simple and complex as a disease.
“Do you…want me to come with you?” a soft voice asked beside him.
He turned, almost surprised to find Daniel there at his elbow. He’d forgotten he was there, they were both there. Daniel and Sam. Only Teal’c was missing. The three of them had become his family, his foundation. But Sara had been there first. He shook his head and nudged open the door.
Like a physical blow to his stomach, the sight of her rocked him. She seemed so small and pale lying there among the machines, her blond hair pulled back from her face, making her seem more gaunt. After a moment, he closed the door, trying to gather himself. Her eyes opened as he crossed the room. “Hey.”
“Jack?”
“You betcha.” He snagged a chair with his toe and pulled it close to the bed so he could sit where he could hold her hand. It was cold and pliant in his, her long, graceful fingers slack. He rubbed a thumb along them as he looked up.
“Why are you here?”
Jack swallowed. Why had he come? To make amends? It was too late for that. The phone call had unnerved him. He’d heard she’d been sick, had even called a few times to check up on her. But…that voice on the phone as they were leaving the diner…She’s dying…
“What? I can’t come see you now?”
She shook her head slowly. “Not what I meant.”
He looked away. She was dying and he couldn’t save her. She knew. He could see it in her eyes. “I was in the neighborhood.”
She sort of chuckled, until she coughed. It was the sound of the disease, the cancer eating its way through her body. He winced and she patted his hand as the spasm ceased. “You must have better things to do than this Jack.”
He took a deep breath and shook his head. “Nope. Not a thing.”
“Liar.”
He recaptured her hand. “You should have told me,” he said after a long silence.
“Why? So you could waste more time sitting here with me while I waited?”
“I have connections, I could have…I don’t know, gotten you better doctors.”
“Not the doctor’s fault Jack.”
He couldn’t stand how weak her voice sounded, how soft and strained it was. The sounds of the machines around them were deafening at times and he wondered how she could sleep at all among them. “I could have been here,” he said softly.
She smiled at him, though the smile was faint and distant. “Yes, but then I’d have had to look at that face.”
He looked up at her, surprised. “Yep, that one. With the sad eyes and the what-if expression.” She took a deep, rattling breath and shifted her position a little. “No…you didn’t need to be here Jack.”
“Sara…”
“Don’t Jack.”
“No, let me…you need…” He sighed and buried his face in his hands.
“You’ve never been good at goodbye,” she said, her hand brushing the backs of his hands.
“This isn’t—“ His head shot up as if she’d hit him, the denial filling his eyes.
“We both know it is.”
“Sara…I—“
“I know Jack.”
He raised her hand and kissed it, ignoring the tear that slipped from his eye. Words had never been his gift, and now they failed him completely. All he had left was the numbing grief of a loss that he thought he’d already grieved and put away. He smiled for her through the tears, and held her hand until long after she had fallen asleep. He sat there still when the door behind him opened. “Jack?”
He drew a shaky breath and stood, setting her hand gently down on the bed and squeezing his eyes before turning around. He nodded at Daniel and gestured to the hallway. Sam stood as they came out and Jack exhaled. “You okay?” Daniel asked, one hand on his shoulder.
Jack shook his head and moved over to where he could lean against the wall. “No, Daniel. I am decidedly not okay.”
“Is there anything we can do?” Sam asked.
Jack shook his head. “She’s dying Sam.”
“I know, Sir.”
Jack sighed and sank into the nearest chair. “I want to break something, explode something.”
“For what it’s worth, she’s likely in less pain now than before. I spoke with her doctor, and—“
“Sam, not now.” Daniel touched her arm and gestured toward Sara O’Neill’s room. The door was open and several doctors and nurses were moving in and out. Jack refused to look up, sitting…waiting…until the door closed, the soft sound somehow a signal that it was over.
He stood and turned toward the doctor approaching. “Colonel O’Neill.” His earns burned, buzzing as the world spun away. The doctor was talking, about arrangements Sara had already made, about cremation and burial and all Jack could think was how he had failed her. He couldn’t save their son, their marriage…he couldn’t save her. He could feel Daniel’s hand on his back but he shook his head.
It was like losing Charlie all over again. Stupid, senseless…and no one left to blame.
Fandom: Stargate SG-1
Characters: General: Jack/Sara, Daniel, Sam
Prompt: table 2, # 001 Disease
Word Count: 972
Rating: PG
Summary: Jack's ex-wife is dying and he comes to say goodbye
WARNING: Minor character death.
My tenth ficlet for my
100_situations TableJack O’Neill hesitated outside the door to the hospital room. Not an infirmary under a mountain, or some secret government facility, just your average, run of the mill hospital. He hated hospitals, even more than he hated their special little infirmary under the mountain in Colorado or any of the various secret facilities he’d encountered. Everything was so sterile, so white and unreal.
The smell of antiseptic was like the smell of death for him. It meant someone was dying. Someone he cared for. Someone he loved.
And this wasn’t some end-of-the-world, battle-injury or training accident. There wasn’t a bad guy to shoot or anything to fight. It was as simple and complex as a disease.
“Do you…want me to come with you?” a soft voice asked beside him.
He turned, almost surprised to find Daniel there at his elbow. He’d forgotten he was there, they were both there. Daniel and Sam. Only Teal’c was missing. The three of them had become his family, his foundation. But Sara had been there first. He shook his head and nudged open the door.
Like a physical blow to his stomach, the sight of her rocked him. She seemed so small and pale lying there among the machines, her blond hair pulled back from her face, making her seem more gaunt. After a moment, he closed the door, trying to gather himself. Her eyes opened as he crossed the room. “Hey.”
“Jack?”
“You betcha.” He snagged a chair with his toe and pulled it close to the bed so he could sit where he could hold her hand. It was cold and pliant in his, her long, graceful fingers slack. He rubbed a thumb along them as he looked up.
“Why are you here?”
Jack swallowed. Why had he come? To make amends? It was too late for that. The phone call had unnerved him. He’d heard she’d been sick, had even called a few times to check up on her. But…that voice on the phone as they were leaving the diner…She’s dying…
“What? I can’t come see you now?”
She shook her head slowly. “Not what I meant.”
He looked away. She was dying and he couldn’t save her. She knew. He could see it in her eyes. “I was in the neighborhood.”
She sort of chuckled, until she coughed. It was the sound of the disease, the cancer eating its way through her body. He winced and she patted his hand as the spasm ceased. “You must have better things to do than this Jack.”
He took a deep breath and shook his head. “Nope. Not a thing.”
“Liar.”
He recaptured her hand. “You should have told me,” he said after a long silence.
“Why? So you could waste more time sitting here with me while I waited?”
“I have connections, I could have…I don’t know, gotten you better doctors.”
“Not the doctor’s fault Jack.”
He couldn’t stand how weak her voice sounded, how soft and strained it was. The sounds of the machines around them were deafening at times and he wondered how she could sleep at all among them. “I could have been here,” he said softly.
She smiled at him, though the smile was faint and distant. “Yes, but then I’d have had to look at that face.”
He looked up at her, surprised. “Yep, that one. With the sad eyes and the what-if expression.” She took a deep, rattling breath and shifted her position a little. “No…you didn’t need to be here Jack.”
“Sara…”
“Don’t Jack.”
“No, let me…you need…” He sighed and buried his face in his hands.
“You’ve never been good at goodbye,” she said, her hand brushing the backs of his hands.
“This isn’t—“ His head shot up as if she’d hit him, the denial filling his eyes.
“We both know it is.”
“Sara…I—“
“I know Jack.”
He raised her hand and kissed it, ignoring the tear that slipped from his eye. Words had never been his gift, and now they failed him completely. All he had left was the numbing grief of a loss that he thought he’d already grieved and put away. He smiled for her through the tears, and held her hand until long after she had fallen asleep. He sat there still when the door behind him opened. “Jack?”
He drew a shaky breath and stood, setting her hand gently down on the bed and squeezing his eyes before turning around. He nodded at Daniel and gestured to the hallway. Sam stood as they came out and Jack exhaled. “You okay?” Daniel asked, one hand on his shoulder.
Jack shook his head and moved over to where he could lean against the wall. “No, Daniel. I am decidedly not okay.”
“Is there anything we can do?” Sam asked.
Jack shook his head. “She’s dying Sam.”
“I know, Sir.”
Jack sighed and sank into the nearest chair. “I want to break something, explode something.”
“For what it’s worth, she’s likely in less pain now than before. I spoke with her doctor, and—“
“Sam, not now.” Daniel touched her arm and gestured toward Sara O’Neill’s room. The door was open and several doctors and nurses were moving in and out. Jack refused to look up, sitting…waiting…until the door closed, the soft sound somehow a signal that it was over.
He stood and turned toward the doctor approaching. “Colonel O’Neill.” His earns burned, buzzing as the world spun away. The doctor was talking, about arrangements Sara had already made, about cremation and burial and all Jack could think was how he had failed her. He couldn’t save their son, their marriage…he couldn’t save her. He could feel Daniel’s hand on his back but he shook his head.
It was like losing Charlie all over again. Stupid, senseless…and no one left to blame.
