AGes, SAm - 19.10, Supernatural, R
Mar. 7th, 2007 09:11 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
phantismaFandom: Supernatural
Title: Ages, Sam 19.10(Click for 12, Click for 13, Click for 14, Click for 15, Click for 16, Click for 17, Click for 18, Click here for Sam 14, Click for 19, Click for 20, Click for Sam 16, Click here for 21, Click for Sam 17, Click for 22, Click here for Sam 18, Click here for 23, Click here for Sam 19, Click here for 23.5, Click here for 23.8.9, Click here for John, 49, Click here for 24, Click here for Sam, 19.8, Click here for John, 50, Click here for Dean, 24.1, Click here for Sam, 19.9, Click her for Dean, 24.2)
Characters/Pairing: Sam, Dean, John, OFCs (overall story includes Sam/Dean, Dean/John and Dean/OFC)
Rating: R (thematic reasons)
Word Count: 2148
Summary: AU - Sam's POV. Sam wakes up in the hospital, hurting and confused.
A/Ns & Warnings: Overall this is story is very dark stuff. This particular installment continues that trend.
Only weeks had passed since California, since Jessica died and Dean had taken him home, and Sam felt far older than his nearly twenty years when he woke. He didn’t have to open his eyes to know he was in a hospital, which seemed to be a good sign, despite the pain. His body felt oddly heavy, thick…and he couldn’t seem to move anything.
Someone was in the room with him…someone familiar. Someone. Not Dean, he realized slowly. A woman…her thoughts were soft and she was reading. Jenny.
“Sam?” Her voice hurt, rubbing his skin.
He forced his eyes to open, to focus. “Jenny?”
She shook her head, eyes filled with tears. “Don’t try to talk just yet. You’re pretty badly hurt.”
“Dean?”
He closed his eyes. She didn’t have to answer. It wasn’t good. He was alive, but…
“He…he was ripped up, Sam…he was torn apart. Lost a lot of blood. He’s…alive. He hasn’t spoken or anything.”
“Want to see.” Sam tried to make himself sit up, but his body wouldn’t move.
Her hand touched his shoulder. Fire and ice and pain raced to the spot and it must have registered on his face because she pulled the hand away abruptly. “I’m sorry. They said I shouldn’t touch you.”
“Who?”
“The doctors Sam. You had a lot of internal bleeding…and a concussion and other stuff I didn’t understand. You should rest. You can see Dean in a few days, when you’re better.”
Sam wanted to argue, wanted to get up, demand to see his brother…but the IV dripping into him was filled with drugs. He could almost taste them…more than pain killers…and they kept his limbs heavy and pulled him back into the dark.
She was there the next time he woke up. It surprised him. She smiled and Sam swallowed. “Dean?”
“No change.”
“My father?”
She shook his head. “We’re still looking.”
“Daniel?”
“He’s okay, Sam. We’re all looking after him.”
The drugs had been reduced. Sam could move. “How long?”
“Almost a week.”
“I want to see Dean.”
“Soon, Sam.”
“What are they giving me?”
She shook her head and he could tell she was close to crying again. “You know I don’t…have a head for that stuff, Sam.”
He squinted at her. Something was very wrong. “I want to see Dean now, Jenny. Or Reuel.”
She looked over her shoulder and got up to close the door. “Please, Sam. Just…let us help you.”
“Help…Jenny? What’s going on?”
She didn’t touch him, stayed near the wall. “You two were found in the center of it all…covered in blood. There were dead piled five high around you. Downtown is gone. The earthquake nearly destroyed the city.”
“Earthquake?” Sam frowned at her. His head hurt. “What are you talking about Jenny?”
“Dean was semi-conscious, raving about Demons and saving you. It was like…that night…when Cassie died.”
“Jenny…I don’t understand. You know what happened to Cassie…you know about the—“
She held up her hand and he stopped, frowning at her. “I’m trying to hold what’s left of this family together, Sam. You and Dean and Daniel…that’s all I’ve got…and right now they won’t let me in to see Dean and the only reason they let me in to see you is because they think it might help you.” She was shaking, he could see it from across the room. “So…I need you to let them make you better. I need you to stop talking about…those things and concentrate on getting out of here.”
She moved closer, her eyes red.
Sam stared, not believing what he was hearing. “Jen…I…don’t know what to say…I…” he scowled. Reuel was gone. Jenny seemed to not remember. This couldn’t be happening.
“I need you to come home, Sam.”
Sam closed his eyes and nodded. “I…I’ll do my best, Jen. Okay?”
There was a knock on the door and it opened. Sam looked up and paled. “Hello again Sam.”
“Dr. MacAfferty?”
She smiled. “I’m glad you remembered. The last time I was in here you were pretty out of it. Are you feeling better?”
“I’m…confused,” he admitted.
She nodded. “I’m not surprised. You’ve been through a lot. Jenny, I’m afraid I’m going to have to ask you to come back. I need some time with Sam.”
Jenny smiled at the doctor and kissed Sam’s cheek. “I’ll be by tomorrow.”
Sam adjusted his position on the bed, his discomfort far beyond the physical. “You’re giving me drugs….an anti-psychotic.”
She nodded. “I deemed it wise, considering the things you were ranting about in your sleep.”
“Did I hurt anyone?”
She shook her head. “Not that I know of…but I don’t know what happened before they brought you here.”
“I want to see Dean.”
“I figured you would. I’m not going to allow that, just yet. You and I need to talk some first, get you stable, figure out how far down the rabbit hole you’ve fallen.”
“I’m…fine…just a little…confused.”
“You told me that Dean killed the demons, the last time I was here.”
“I-I did?” He couldn’t remember seeing her. Couldn’t remember…like Dean…with the black outs.
“Can you tell me what happened?”
Sam shook his head. “Don’t know…we…the people were acting weird…fighting…” He thought about the way the cop had come up to them, his eyes yellow-gold…Dean holding his hand… “They had black eyes.”
“Interesting.” She jotted down some notes on his chart. “This is similar to how your brother presented originally. He was a lot younger than you, of course. He didn’t start having blackouts though until he was older. I’m going to have some tests run, see if we can rule out any physical causes, brain tumors, and the like. I’d like to keep you out of general population for a bit longer, until your body’s a little more recovered.”
“General…where am I?”
“The psych ward at County General, Sam.”
Nearly two weeks passed before MacAfferty deemed him ready to see Dean, and even then only in a wheel chair. Two weeks of meds and therapy and memory loss…until Sam wasn’t even sure anymore which memories were real…and if the whole thing was in his head.
Jenny pushed him down the hall to Dean’s room. She stopped him outside the private room. “You should…he’s…he looks bad Sam.” Jenny said, coming around to squat in front of him. “He’s awake, but he’s…not there…”
Sam nodded and she pushed him in. Her words did nothing to prepare him however. Dean was white, pale…his wrists were in restraints, and his arm was heavily bandaged. There were more bandages…on his bare chest, on his head. His bed was inclined and his eyes opened, staring off into space.
“Why…why is he…in restraints?”
“He hurt an orderly. It was…bad.”
“I want to be alone with him.” Sam knew his voice was terse, nearly mean. She parked him close to the bed and set the brake on the wheel chair.
“Okay. I—I’ll give you some time. I’ll be outside.”
Sam reached for Dean’s hand…reached for Dean. ‘Don’t you dare leave me, Dean,” he whispered.
Sam It hit him hard, the idea that Dean could speak to him without speaking...a swirl of emotion and thoughts…jumbled…voices. Sam pulled back from the overwhelming mass of it. He had to find Dean in there. If that was even possible. Sam.
The raw pain of it was too much…of thinking he’d fallen into Dean’s delusion…that he’d fallen and dragged Dean back in…that maybe Dr. MacAfferty was right and the whole thing was genetic, inherited from their father.
“You promised me you’d never leave me.” Sam whispered, tears falling on his hand where it rested on Dean’s. He sat for a long time just touching him physically. Dean didn’t move. Didn’t blink.
Sam wiped at tears. “They’ve got me on risperidone…remember? You took it for a while.” Hear me Dean? Hear what I’m saying? “Haven’t had any nightmares or headaches since I woke up.”
He shifted in his chair, his hand rubbing over Dean’s. “They…haven’t found Dad. They’re afraid he was in the house. It’s gone…there’s just a crater there.”
Sam couldn’t look at Dean, could only stare at their hands. Dean’s was cut up, blistered, burned…He had an image of Dean punching the cop…that wasn’t a cop…he closed his eyes. “I don’t think I can do this without you Dean. Please. Please come back to me.”
“Sam.” His head turned, but his eyes were still empty…vacant.
“I’m here Dean. I’m here and I’m not leaving you.”
Sam had never really appreciated what this had been like for Dean. The psych ward…daily visits from MacAfferty, group therapy…the long days with nothing to do but think about it…it…the fact that you just might be crazy.
He wasn’t sure if he was playing the role so he could get out, or if he was starting to believe. Wasn’t sure if Jenny was in denial…or likewise, playing a role. They let him sit with Dean for an hour every day. Sometimes he turned his head. Sometimes he spoke a word or two…but for the most part he sat and stared.
When the day finally came that MacAfferty was willing to release him, Sam sat with Dean earlier than usual. “I’m going home to be with Jenny and Daniel today, Dean. I’ll come see you whenever I can though. Okay? I promise. And when you’re better, we’ll go away. The four of us. We’ll go somewhere nice.”
Dean didn’t do more than blink. Sam squeezed his hand and kissed his cheek. “I’ll be back Dean. I promise you. I’m not leaving you.”
Home wasn’t what it used to be. Sam stared at the motel with vague recognition. “I’ve been here before.”
It was only a few blocks from the hospital, walking distance…unless you’ve just been released from that same hospital after major injuries…or unless you’re an 8 year old with a fever.
“We’re in 9.” Jenny said, handing him a key while she moved to get Daniel out of the car seat. “We can move into something better. I just wanted to be close.”
Sam opened the door and held it while Jenny juggled Daniel and the diaper bag. The room was like any other cheap motel room in the country…two beds, a desk, a door he suppose went to a bathroom. The only thing different was the playpen shoved into one corner.
He watched Jenny change Daniel’s diaper and settle him into the play pen for a nap. He waited until she stopped fussing. Until she stopped and turned to look at him. He watched her face…watched her crack…watched her fall apart and collapse onto the bed. “I’ve been so…afraid…Sam. So afraid. I didn’t know what to do…”
Sam came to her, wrapped his arms around her. “It’s okay, Jen. You did great. You were perfect.”
She shook her head. “When they found you…we got there too late. Too late to help…too late…”
He quieted her, stroking her red-gold curls and trying to decide what to hold on to…the conviction that he and Dean had defeated two high order demons…or the belief that it was all delusion…trying to figure out which Jenny actually believed.
“Jen….I need to know….”
She nodded. “I know.” She pulled back. “I can’t tell you what to believe.”
He frowned. “No…I need to know what you believe.”
She pulled a hand through her hair. “I believe that something very unusual, very terrible happened and you and Dean were in the middle of it. I believe that you’re the only family I have. I believe that little boy needs his father.”
“You know that isn’t what I mean.”
She sighed, then stood…walked away. “I believe that your father and brother aren’t the only ones capable of making a deal to save the people they love.” She stiffened when he moved.
“What did you do?”
She turned around. “He’s gone, Sam. He’s never coming back.”
“Reuel?”
She nodded miserably, crossing her arms and holding herself. “I’ve never felt so…empty…so alone…he was so…furious…so…he was never meant to get so involved…and attached…and…” She sobbed.
He wanted to go to her, to hold her and comfort her, but he wasn’t sure he could. “What did you do?”
“It came to me, Sam…said I could get John back. Said I could keep you both alive…even though you were…abominations…unclean…half a dozen other things it said…”
“Dad? You said he hadn’t been found.”
“He…said it would take time to find him. Said he would turn up soon.”
“Soon?”
“I gave up Sam…I wasn’t strong enough. I traded him for you. I gave up Reuel. You started breathing again. Dean stopped bleeding.” She shivered. “He did it to save me…He gave up two years of his life to save me. I couldn’t…I had to.”
Sam shook his head, not even believing what he was hearing. “I…I’m gonna shower…think this through…”
Think it through. He wasn’t even sure he knew where to start.
Title: Ages, Sam 19.10(Click for 12, Click for 13, Click for 14, Click for 15, Click for 16, Click for 17, Click for 18, Click here for Sam 14, Click for 19, Click for 20, Click for Sam 16, Click here for 21, Click for Sam 17, Click for 22, Click here for Sam 18, Click here for 23, Click here for Sam 19, Click here for 23.5, Click here for 23.8.9, Click here for John, 49, Click here for 24, Click here for Sam, 19.8, Click here for John, 50, Click here for Dean, 24.1, Click here for Sam, 19.9, Click her for Dean, 24.2)
Characters/Pairing: Sam, Dean, John, OFCs (overall story includes Sam/Dean, Dean/John and Dean/OFC)
Rating: R (thematic reasons)
Word Count: 2148
Summary: AU - Sam's POV. Sam wakes up in the hospital, hurting and confused.
A/Ns & Warnings: Overall this is story is very dark stuff. This particular installment continues that trend.
Only weeks had passed since California, since Jessica died and Dean had taken him home, and Sam felt far older than his nearly twenty years when he woke. He didn’t have to open his eyes to know he was in a hospital, which seemed to be a good sign, despite the pain. His body felt oddly heavy, thick…and he couldn’t seem to move anything.
Someone was in the room with him…someone familiar. Someone. Not Dean, he realized slowly. A woman…her thoughts were soft and she was reading. Jenny.
“Sam?” Her voice hurt, rubbing his skin.
He forced his eyes to open, to focus. “Jenny?”
She shook her head, eyes filled with tears. “Don’t try to talk just yet. You’re pretty badly hurt.”
“Dean?”
He closed his eyes. She didn’t have to answer. It wasn’t good. He was alive, but…
“He…he was ripped up, Sam…he was torn apart. Lost a lot of blood. He’s…alive. He hasn’t spoken or anything.”
“Want to see.” Sam tried to make himself sit up, but his body wouldn’t move.
Her hand touched his shoulder. Fire and ice and pain raced to the spot and it must have registered on his face because she pulled the hand away abruptly. “I’m sorry. They said I shouldn’t touch you.”
“Who?”
“The doctors Sam. You had a lot of internal bleeding…and a concussion and other stuff I didn’t understand. You should rest. You can see Dean in a few days, when you’re better.”
Sam wanted to argue, wanted to get up, demand to see his brother…but the IV dripping into him was filled with drugs. He could almost taste them…more than pain killers…and they kept his limbs heavy and pulled him back into the dark.
She was there the next time he woke up. It surprised him. She smiled and Sam swallowed. “Dean?”
“No change.”
“My father?”
She shook his head. “We’re still looking.”
“Daniel?”
“He’s okay, Sam. We’re all looking after him.”
The drugs had been reduced. Sam could move. “How long?”
“Almost a week.”
“I want to see Dean.”
“Soon, Sam.”
“What are they giving me?”
She shook her head and he could tell she was close to crying again. “You know I don’t…have a head for that stuff, Sam.”
He squinted at her. Something was very wrong. “I want to see Dean now, Jenny. Or Reuel.”
She looked over her shoulder and got up to close the door. “Please, Sam. Just…let us help you.”
“Help…Jenny? What’s going on?”
She didn’t touch him, stayed near the wall. “You two were found in the center of it all…covered in blood. There were dead piled five high around you. Downtown is gone. The earthquake nearly destroyed the city.”
“Earthquake?” Sam frowned at her. His head hurt. “What are you talking about Jenny?”
“Dean was semi-conscious, raving about Demons and saving you. It was like…that night…when Cassie died.”
“Jenny…I don’t understand. You know what happened to Cassie…you know about the—“
She held up her hand and he stopped, frowning at her. “I’m trying to hold what’s left of this family together, Sam. You and Dean and Daniel…that’s all I’ve got…and right now they won’t let me in to see Dean and the only reason they let me in to see you is because they think it might help you.” She was shaking, he could see it from across the room. “So…I need you to let them make you better. I need you to stop talking about…those things and concentrate on getting out of here.”
She moved closer, her eyes red.
Sam stared, not believing what he was hearing. “Jen…I…don’t know what to say…I…” he scowled. Reuel was gone. Jenny seemed to not remember. This couldn’t be happening.
“I need you to come home, Sam.”
Sam closed his eyes and nodded. “I…I’ll do my best, Jen. Okay?”
There was a knock on the door and it opened. Sam looked up and paled. “Hello again Sam.”
“Dr. MacAfferty?”
She smiled. “I’m glad you remembered. The last time I was in here you were pretty out of it. Are you feeling better?”
“I’m…confused,” he admitted.
She nodded. “I’m not surprised. You’ve been through a lot. Jenny, I’m afraid I’m going to have to ask you to come back. I need some time with Sam.”
Jenny smiled at the doctor and kissed Sam’s cheek. “I’ll be by tomorrow.”
Sam adjusted his position on the bed, his discomfort far beyond the physical. “You’re giving me drugs….an anti-psychotic.”
She nodded. “I deemed it wise, considering the things you were ranting about in your sleep.”
“Did I hurt anyone?”
She shook her head. “Not that I know of…but I don’t know what happened before they brought you here.”
“I want to see Dean.”
“I figured you would. I’m not going to allow that, just yet. You and I need to talk some first, get you stable, figure out how far down the rabbit hole you’ve fallen.”
“I’m…fine…just a little…confused.”
“You told me that Dean killed the demons, the last time I was here.”
“I-I did?” He couldn’t remember seeing her. Couldn’t remember…like Dean…with the black outs.
“Can you tell me what happened?”
Sam shook his head. “Don’t know…we…the people were acting weird…fighting…” He thought about the way the cop had come up to them, his eyes yellow-gold…Dean holding his hand… “They had black eyes.”
“Interesting.” She jotted down some notes on his chart. “This is similar to how your brother presented originally. He was a lot younger than you, of course. He didn’t start having blackouts though until he was older. I’m going to have some tests run, see if we can rule out any physical causes, brain tumors, and the like. I’d like to keep you out of general population for a bit longer, until your body’s a little more recovered.”
“General…where am I?”
“The psych ward at County General, Sam.”
Nearly two weeks passed before MacAfferty deemed him ready to see Dean, and even then only in a wheel chair. Two weeks of meds and therapy and memory loss…until Sam wasn’t even sure anymore which memories were real…and if the whole thing was in his head.
Jenny pushed him down the hall to Dean’s room. She stopped him outside the private room. “You should…he’s…he looks bad Sam.” Jenny said, coming around to squat in front of him. “He’s awake, but he’s…not there…”
Sam nodded and she pushed him in. Her words did nothing to prepare him however. Dean was white, pale…his wrists were in restraints, and his arm was heavily bandaged. There were more bandages…on his bare chest, on his head. His bed was inclined and his eyes opened, staring off into space.
“Why…why is he…in restraints?”
“He hurt an orderly. It was…bad.”
“I want to be alone with him.” Sam knew his voice was terse, nearly mean. She parked him close to the bed and set the brake on the wheel chair.
“Okay. I—I’ll give you some time. I’ll be outside.”
Sam reached for Dean’s hand…reached for Dean. ‘Don’t you dare leave me, Dean,” he whispered.
Sam It hit him hard, the idea that Dean could speak to him without speaking...a swirl of emotion and thoughts…jumbled…voices. Sam pulled back from the overwhelming mass of it. He had to find Dean in there. If that was even possible. Sam.
The raw pain of it was too much…of thinking he’d fallen into Dean’s delusion…that he’d fallen and dragged Dean back in…that maybe Dr. MacAfferty was right and the whole thing was genetic, inherited from their father.
“You promised me you’d never leave me.” Sam whispered, tears falling on his hand where it rested on Dean’s. He sat for a long time just touching him physically. Dean didn’t move. Didn’t blink.
Sam wiped at tears. “They’ve got me on risperidone…remember? You took it for a while.” Hear me Dean? Hear what I’m saying? “Haven’t had any nightmares or headaches since I woke up.”
He shifted in his chair, his hand rubbing over Dean’s. “They…haven’t found Dad. They’re afraid he was in the house. It’s gone…there’s just a crater there.”
Sam couldn’t look at Dean, could only stare at their hands. Dean’s was cut up, blistered, burned…He had an image of Dean punching the cop…that wasn’t a cop…he closed his eyes. “I don’t think I can do this without you Dean. Please. Please come back to me.”
“Sam.” His head turned, but his eyes were still empty…vacant.
“I’m here Dean. I’m here and I’m not leaving you.”
Sam had never really appreciated what this had been like for Dean. The psych ward…daily visits from MacAfferty, group therapy…the long days with nothing to do but think about it…it…the fact that you just might be crazy.
He wasn’t sure if he was playing the role so he could get out, or if he was starting to believe. Wasn’t sure if Jenny was in denial…or likewise, playing a role. They let him sit with Dean for an hour every day. Sometimes he turned his head. Sometimes he spoke a word or two…but for the most part he sat and stared.
When the day finally came that MacAfferty was willing to release him, Sam sat with Dean earlier than usual. “I’m going home to be with Jenny and Daniel today, Dean. I’ll come see you whenever I can though. Okay? I promise. And when you’re better, we’ll go away. The four of us. We’ll go somewhere nice.”
Dean didn’t do more than blink. Sam squeezed his hand and kissed his cheek. “I’ll be back Dean. I promise you. I’m not leaving you.”
Home wasn’t what it used to be. Sam stared at the motel with vague recognition. “I’ve been here before.”
It was only a few blocks from the hospital, walking distance…unless you’ve just been released from that same hospital after major injuries…or unless you’re an 8 year old with a fever.
“We’re in 9.” Jenny said, handing him a key while she moved to get Daniel out of the car seat. “We can move into something better. I just wanted to be close.”
Sam opened the door and held it while Jenny juggled Daniel and the diaper bag. The room was like any other cheap motel room in the country…two beds, a desk, a door he suppose went to a bathroom. The only thing different was the playpen shoved into one corner.
He watched Jenny change Daniel’s diaper and settle him into the play pen for a nap. He waited until she stopped fussing. Until she stopped and turned to look at him. He watched her face…watched her crack…watched her fall apart and collapse onto the bed. “I’ve been so…afraid…Sam. So afraid. I didn’t know what to do…”
Sam came to her, wrapped his arms around her. “It’s okay, Jen. You did great. You were perfect.”
She shook her head. “When they found you…we got there too late. Too late to help…too late…”
He quieted her, stroking her red-gold curls and trying to decide what to hold on to…the conviction that he and Dean had defeated two high order demons…or the belief that it was all delusion…trying to figure out which Jenny actually believed.
“Jen….I need to know….”
She nodded. “I know.” She pulled back. “I can’t tell you what to believe.”
He frowned. “No…I need to know what you believe.”
She pulled a hand through her hair. “I believe that something very unusual, very terrible happened and you and Dean were in the middle of it. I believe that you’re the only family I have. I believe that little boy needs his father.”
“You know that isn’t what I mean.”
She sighed, then stood…walked away. “I believe that your father and brother aren’t the only ones capable of making a deal to save the people they love.” She stiffened when he moved.
“What did you do?”
She turned around. “He’s gone, Sam. He’s never coming back.”
“Reuel?”
She nodded miserably, crossing her arms and holding herself. “I’ve never felt so…empty…so alone…he was so…furious…so…he was never meant to get so involved…and attached…and…” She sobbed.
He wanted to go to her, to hold her and comfort her, but he wasn’t sure he could. “What did you do?”
“It came to me, Sam…said I could get John back. Said I could keep you both alive…even though you were…abominations…unclean…half a dozen other things it said…”
“Dad? You said he hadn’t been found.”
“He…said it would take time to find him. Said he would turn up soon.”
“Soon?”
“I gave up Sam…I wasn’t strong enough. I traded him for you. I gave up Reuel. You started breathing again. Dean stopped bleeding.” She shivered. “He did it to save me…He gave up two years of his life to save me. I couldn’t…I had to.”
Sam shook his head, not even believing what he was hearing. “I…I’m gonna shower…think this through…”
Think it through. He wasn’t even sure he knew where to start.
