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phantismaFandom: CW RPS (with assistance implied from various Super Heroes of Fame)
Pairings/Characters: Jensen/Jared, Chad Michael Murray (yes, people. I wrote Chad)
Ratings: NC-17
Word Count: 1727
Summary: Crack!Fic. I shall blame this on the heat, as well as on![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
silverkit who dictated the terms on the prompt request posting the other day.
Warnings and A/Ns: Includes SuperHero!Jensen, kidnapped!Jared, porn, hilarity, killer robot (and killer robot porn. No. Really), evil!Chad, rather un-SuperHero language and true love. Be warned!
Everything about him was a cliché. From his “name” to his super secret identity to his super tight spandex to his super model “girlfriend” to the arch-nemesis who seemed determine to destroy him…or at least the spandex.
This time it was some weird, glowing blue goo that nothing was getting out.
Jensen sighed and looked up. “Leo, tell me something good.”
The tall, slender butler held up a handful of red and white spandex. “Ripped, torn, faded and blood stained.”
He sighed and pulled the glasses off his face. He hated the damn things, but they were part of his persona. “What am I supposed to do? Fly around New York in my pajamas?”
“If I may, sir, I took the liberty of speaking with a few of my contemporaries, and they all had the same advice. Padalecki’s Cleaners.”
“Pada-who-what?”
“Padalecki’s Cleaners, sir. By all accounts, the owner is discrete, trustworthy, and above all a skilled tailor and remover of stains of indeterminate origin.”
Jensen was used to handling his own messes, well, he was ever since the last seamstress was killed by that weird mutant guy who could float metal. “Okay, so take them in. With any luck we won’t have any emergencies before we get them back.”
“There is one small catch, sir.” Leo said, stepping closer and handing Jensen the pile of spandex. “He only deals with the hero him, or her, self. I’ve set you an appointment for 2pm.”
This was not something he was accustomed to. Ever since he’d made his first million dollars, Jensen had people who handled things like this. He pulled the baseball hat lower over his forehead and pushed his sunglasses up as he got out of the car with the duffle bag filled with costumes.
The store wasn’t big, in fact it was little more than a hole in the wall, with a hand painted sign over the door, and a neon “laundry” sign in the window.
He opened the door, and stepped into the steam filled store front. His super eyes squinted, focused and made out the long, lanky form of someone coming out of the back to respond to the door chime.
He blinked as the figure cleared the steam, his smile blinding until Jensen dialed back the super-vision. “Mr. Padalecki?”
The smile just got bigger. Like a little boy. It sort of made him weak in the knees. Jensen’s whole perception slipped to the side. He felt strange, like that time someone slipped E into his iced tea in college.
“It’s Jared, Mr. Ackles. Please, step into my office.”
He had a moment to wonder if maybe this kid…this bright, shiny, smiling kid was his kryptonite (and wouldn’t Superman just find that fucking hilarious) before his feet were moving and he was following and then a door was closing, blocking out the steam.
The office was unpretentious, cheap wood paneling and cheap carpet, overstuffed filing cabinets and a desk littered with candy wrappers and coffee cups.
“I was stoked to get the call that you wanted to meet me.” Jared grinned at him and Jensen could only nod. Maybe he was in trouble. Maybe he should leave.
Instead, he found himself sitting down, offering up the bag. “Leo said you could fix anything.”
Jared blushed and that smile came back, blinding…brilliant…mesmerizing. “Well, I’m no super hero. But I’m pretty good with a stain.”
And that was how it began. Maybe Jared was all wide eyed and hero-worshipping when he personally delivered the spandex wardrobe to the Ackles manor. Maybe Jensen blushed when their hands touched.
Maybe there was dinner for two in a quiet corner of the garden.
Those in the know, knew. He’d find out later that several of his colleagues, most notably the Bat and the Spider had been conspiring to get Jensen into Jared’s office for some time, apparently the Match twins had declared them soul mates or something after the whole debacle with the last Super Model Girlfriend fell apart.
It was so perfect that Jensen was fairly certain some cliché disaster would befall them before they could move past the blushing and flirting and hand holding and tender kissing.
He groaned and tried to haul his emotional overload back inside. The spandex only made his physical reaction that much more obvious. But that made Jared smile that debilitating smile, his hand rising to cup around the bulge.
“This for me?” he asked, his eyes wide, his smile wider still.
Jensen managed to roll his eyes and step back. “After I save the world.”
Jared stood and pulled Jensen back to him. “Promise?” His kiss was sweet, and tasted like chocolate.
“Promise.”
“Go on then. I gotta go work on Driselda’s cape anyway. She got it caught on the Eiffel Tower again.”
“I keep telling her to lose the cape.”
Jared snickered as he stood and pulled on his jacket. “Well, she won’t tell you this, but she thinks it hides her hips.” He kissed Jensen again, his hands rising up to take his glasses off. “And you need to remember to take these off.”
“I’d have remembered.” Jensen pouted.
“Right, like last week when you went to that bank robbery in them?”
“You distracted me.”
Jared smiled again. “I like distracting you.”
And Jared was a distraction. Even as he swept in to save the day, rescuing children from a burning building, he was thinking about Jared. That smile…those hands.
He was perfection.
Of course, the news all over the television and tabloids went on and on about the famous Jensen Ackles, billionaire playboy coming out as gay.
However, worse than the newspapers, somewhere in the bowels of New York there was someone else taking notice. A man who would use the knowledge that Jensen was in love to destroy everything.
His first indication that something terrible had happened was when he stopped by the cleaners to drop of his scorched spandex. The whole building was gone. Crushed into rubble.
“Jared?” Super-vision and Super-hearing swept the lot, but no one was in the wreckage.
His cell phone rang and he numbly answered it.
“This is the Chad. I have your boy. You want him back?”
“Jared?” Jensen shook his head. Chad. Goddamn fucking Chad. “You let him go, fuckwad.”
“Such language from America’s prettiest super hero. You want him, you meet me. Battle my giant killer robots. If you win, you can have him. If my robots win, I keep him and make him my love slave.”
“Jared will never love you!” Jensen yelled into the phone, but he was already pulling at his clothes, transforming himself from Jensen Ackles, playboy billionaire into Super Pretty Awesome Man just before taking to the skies.
The Chad wasn’t hard to find. His robots stood four stories high and were crushing the entire area, both of them metallic representations of the Chad himself…right down to the goddamn dick hanging out from between their legs. He’d known Chad since they shared a room in college. The boy never was right in the head.
Jared was dangling from a flagpole, twenty stories up, rope wound around his body, his mouth gagged.
The Chad stood in the window behind Jared’s flagpole, a giant controller in his hands, working the robots with obvious glee.
“Hey!” Jensen yelled, drawing Chad’s attention. Both robots turned for Jensen. They swung fists of metal at him and he ducked, flying under them then pulling on the nearest metal dick. The robot went still, the hose stiffening. Jensen pulled down again and again. Great big gobs of goo spilled from the hose and the robot collapsed. He headed off to the other one.
Chad was screaming above them. Jensen jacked off the other robot and left it in a quivering heap before flying up to the Chad. “Ego maniac.” He grabbed the remote control and tossed it to the ground. It crunched and both robots groaned and shuddered.
Police appeared in the room behind them.
“Thank you Super Pretty Awesome Man, we’ll take care of the Chad from here.”
“And I will rescue Mr. Ackles boyfriend. I’m sure he’ll be most grateful.”
Jensen stepped out of the window and flew to where Jared was smiling at him. “Thought you were going to save the world.” Jared said as Jensen lifted him off the pole.
“You’re prettier.” Jensen flew them up, out of sight and kissed him. He landed them in the crown of Lady Liberty and broke Jared loose of the ropes. The hard on from earlier was back, bigger and more insistent, and this time Jared was not taking no.
His hands were down inside the spandex, and Jensen groaned into his mouth. “Don’t want to hurt you.”
“Don’t want you to hurt me either.” Jared said. “Want you to fuck me.”
“Here?”
“Right here, on the Statue of Liberty.” Jared pulled Jensen’s cock out, shoved his own pants down and bent over…just like that. Jensen was obviously going too slowly and Jared pulled him in, pressed his cock against him. Jensen gripped each hand around a spire of her crown and pushed.
Jared grunted and Jensen squeezed the cool metal under his hands. The metal groaned as Jared moaned, and then the smell of come was in the air as Jared hit his orgasm. Jensen pushed and groaned and squeezed until he too was coming, roaring into the cold.
When he was done and Jared was pulling up his pants, Jensen noticed he’d left dents in the shape of his fingers on the spires. Oops. Not the first time he’d caused some damage in the pursuit of pleasure, but he hadn’t broken a national monument since the whole Mount Rushmore incident had cost Abe Lincoln a nose. “Better add a donation to the Statue of Liberty fund to the list.” Jensen mumbled.
Jared surprised him with a fierce kiss, knocking them both over. “You really are Super. And Pretty. And Awesome.” Jared whispered into Jensen’s non-super ear.
And okay…maybe it was cliché, and maybe he’d never really liked the name…But maybe Jensen was getting used to it. Especially when it came with that killer smile and those big hands.
Super Pretty Awesome Man.
And as he flew toward home with Jared in his arms, he decided he was luckiest damn super hero in the world.
Pairings/Characters: Jensen/Jared, Chad Michael Murray (yes, people. I wrote Chad)
Ratings: NC-17
Word Count: 1727
Summary: Crack!Fic. I shall blame this on the heat, as well as on
silverkit who dictated the terms on the prompt request posting the other day. Warnings and A/Ns: Includes SuperHero!Jensen, kidnapped!Jared, porn, hilarity, killer robot (and killer robot porn. No. Really), evil!Chad, rather un-SuperHero language and true love. Be warned!
Everything about him was a cliché. From his “name” to his super secret identity to his super tight spandex to his super model “girlfriend” to the arch-nemesis who seemed determine to destroy him…or at least the spandex.
This time it was some weird, glowing blue goo that nothing was getting out.
Jensen sighed and looked up. “Leo, tell me something good.”
The tall, slender butler held up a handful of red and white spandex. “Ripped, torn, faded and blood stained.”
He sighed and pulled the glasses off his face. He hated the damn things, but they were part of his persona. “What am I supposed to do? Fly around New York in my pajamas?”
“If I may, sir, I took the liberty of speaking with a few of my contemporaries, and they all had the same advice. Padalecki’s Cleaners.”
“Pada-who-what?”
“Padalecki’s Cleaners, sir. By all accounts, the owner is discrete, trustworthy, and above all a skilled tailor and remover of stains of indeterminate origin.”
Jensen was used to handling his own messes, well, he was ever since the last seamstress was killed by that weird mutant guy who could float metal. “Okay, so take them in. With any luck we won’t have any emergencies before we get them back.”
“There is one small catch, sir.” Leo said, stepping closer and handing Jensen the pile of spandex. “He only deals with the hero him, or her, self. I’ve set you an appointment for 2pm.”
This was not something he was accustomed to. Ever since he’d made his first million dollars, Jensen had people who handled things like this. He pulled the baseball hat lower over his forehead and pushed his sunglasses up as he got out of the car with the duffle bag filled with costumes.
The store wasn’t big, in fact it was little more than a hole in the wall, with a hand painted sign over the door, and a neon “laundry” sign in the window.
He opened the door, and stepped into the steam filled store front. His super eyes squinted, focused and made out the long, lanky form of someone coming out of the back to respond to the door chime.
He blinked as the figure cleared the steam, his smile blinding until Jensen dialed back the super-vision. “Mr. Padalecki?”
The smile just got bigger. Like a little boy. It sort of made him weak in the knees. Jensen’s whole perception slipped to the side. He felt strange, like that time someone slipped E into his iced tea in college.
“It’s Jared, Mr. Ackles. Please, step into my office.”
He had a moment to wonder if maybe this kid…this bright, shiny, smiling kid was his kryptonite (and wouldn’t Superman just find that fucking hilarious) before his feet were moving and he was following and then a door was closing, blocking out the steam.
The office was unpretentious, cheap wood paneling and cheap carpet, overstuffed filing cabinets and a desk littered with candy wrappers and coffee cups.
“I was stoked to get the call that you wanted to meet me.” Jared grinned at him and Jensen could only nod. Maybe he was in trouble. Maybe he should leave.
Instead, he found himself sitting down, offering up the bag. “Leo said you could fix anything.”
Jared blushed and that smile came back, blinding…brilliant…mesmerizing. “Well, I’m no super hero. But I’m pretty good with a stain.”
And that was how it began. Maybe Jared was all wide eyed and hero-worshipping when he personally delivered the spandex wardrobe to the Ackles manor. Maybe Jensen blushed when their hands touched.
Maybe there was dinner for two in a quiet corner of the garden.
Those in the know, knew. He’d find out later that several of his colleagues, most notably the Bat and the Spider had been conspiring to get Jensen into Jared’s office for some time, apparently the Match twins had declared them soul mates or something after the whole debacle with the last Super Model Girlfriend fell apart.
It was so perfect that Jensen was fairly certain some cliché disaster would befall them before they could move past the blushing and flirting and hand holding and tender kissing.
He groaned and tried to haul his emotional overload back inside. The spandex only made his physical reaction that much more obvious. But that made Jared smile that debilitating smile, his hand rising to cup around the bulge.
“This for me?” he asked, his eyes wide, his smile wider still.
Jensen managed to roll his eyes and step back. “After I save the world.”
Jared stood and pulled Jensen back to him. “Promise?” His kiss was sweet, and tasted like chocolate.
“Promise.”
“Go on then. I gotta go work on Driselda’s cape anyway. She got it caught on the Eiffel Tower again.”
“I keep telling her to lose the cape.”
Jared snickered as he stood and pulled on his jacket. “Well, she won’t tell you this, but she thinks it hides her hips.” He kissed Jensen again, his hands rising up to take his glasses off. “And you need to remember to take these off.”
“I’d have remembered.” Jensen pouted.
“Right, like last week when you went to that bank robbery in them?”
“You distracted me.”
Jared smiled again. “I like distracting you.”
And Jared was a distraction. Even as he swept in to save the day, rescuing children from a burning building, he was thinking about Jared. That smile…those hands.
He was perfection.
Of course, the news all over the television and tabloids went on and on about the famous Jensen Ackles, billionaire playboy coming out as gay.
However, worse than the newspapers, somewhere in the bowels of New York there was someone else taking notice. A man who would use the knowledge that Jensen was in love to destroy everything.
His first indication that something terrible had happened was when he stopped by the cleaners to drop of his scorched spandex. The whole building was gone. Crushed into rubble.
“Jared?” Super-vision and Super-hearing swept the lot, but no one was in the wreckage.
His cell phone rang and he numbly answered it.
“This is the Chad. I have your boy. You want him back?”
“Jared?” Jensen shook his head. Chad. Goddamn fucking Chad. “You let him go, fuckwad.”
“Such language from America’s prettiest super hero. You want him, you meet me. Battle my giant killer robots. If you win, you can have him. If my robots win, I keep him and make him my love slave.”
“Jared will never love you!” Jensen yelled into the phone, but he was already pulling at his clothes, transforming himself from Jensen Ackles, playboy billionaire into Super Pretty Awesome Man just before taking to the skies.
The Chad wasn’t hard to find. His robots stood four stories high and were crushing the entire area, both of them metallic representations of the Chad himself…right down to the goddamn dick hanging out from between their legs. He’d known Chad since they shared a room in college. The boy never was right in the head.
Jared was dangling from a flagpole, twenty stories up, rope wound around his body, his mouth gagged.
The Chad stood in the window behind Jared’s flagpole, a giant controller in his hands, working the robots with obvious glee.
“Hey!” Jensen yelled, drawing Chad’s attention. Both robots turned for Jensen. They swung fists of metal at him and he ducked, flying under them then pulling on the nearest metal dick. The robot went still, the hose stiffening. Jensen pulled down again and again. Great big gobs of goo spilled from the hose and the robot collapsed. He headed off to the other one.
Chad was screaming above them. Jensen jacked off the other robot and left it in a quivering heap before flying up to the Chad. “Ego maniac.” He grabbed the remote control and tossed it to the ground. It crunched and both robots groaned and shuddered.
Police appeared in the room behind them.
“Thank you Super Pretty Awesome Man, we’ll take care of the Chad from here.”
“And I will rescue Mr. Ackles boyfriend. I’m sure he’ll be most grateful.”
Jensen stepped out of the window and flew to where Jared was smiling at him. “Thought you were going to save the world.” Jared said as Jensen lifted him off the pole.
“You’re prettier.” Jensen flew them up, out of sight and kissed him. He landed them in the crown of Lady Liberty and broke Jared loose of the ropes. The hard on from earlier was back, bigger and more insistent, and this time Jared was not taking no.
His hands were down inside the spandex, and Jensen groaned into his mouth. “Don’t want to hurt you.”
“Don’t want you to hurt me either.” Jared said. “Want you to fuck me.”
“Here?”
“Right here, on the Statue of Liberty.” Jared pulled Jensen’s cock out, shoved his own pants down and bent over…just like that. Jensen was obviously going too slowly and Jared pulled him in, pressed his cock against him. Jensen gripped each hand around a spire of her crown and pushed.
Jared grunted and Jensen squeezed the cool metal under his hands. The metal groaned as Jared moaned, and then the smell of come was in the air as Jared hit his orgasm. Jensen pushed and groaned and squeezed until he too was coming, roaring into the cold.
When he was done and Jared was pulling up his pants, Jensen noticed he’d left dents in the shape of his fingers on the spires. Oops. Not the first time he’d caused some damage in the pursuit of pleasure, but he hadn’t broken a national monument since the whole Mount Rushmore incident had cost Abe Lincoln a nose. “Better add a donation to the Statue of Liberty fund to the list.” Jensen mumbled.
Jared surprised him with a fierce kiss, knocking them both over. “You really are Super. And Pretty. And Awesome.” Jared whispered into Jensen’s non-super ear.
And okay…maybe it was cliché, and maybe he’d never really liked the name…But maybe Jensen was getting used to it. Especially when it came with that killer smile and those big hands.
Super Pretty Awesome Man.
And as he flew toward home with Jared in his arms, he decided he was luckiest damn super hero in the world.
