Too Late to Matter, Firefly, PG
Jan. 6th, 2011 11:54 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
phantismaFandom: Firefly
Title: Too Late to Matter
Charcater: Inara, mentions of Zoe, Jayne, Kaylee
Rating: PG
Word Count: 510
Summary: Post Serenity, Inara finally admits her feelings, but it's too late to matter
A/Ns & Warnings: WARNINGS: Character Death (off screen) Written for my second card for![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-community.gif)
angst_bingo.
It haunts her.
In the still, quiet of Serenity in the months after…just after.
The arguments ring in the air for her to hear, to remember. His voice fills her mind and it makes her turn away from the places she remembers him best.
She hasn't stepped foot on the bridge in weeks. She can't bring herself to do more than pass through the kitchen. The infirmary is out of the question. All she sees in there is his body, lifeless and bloody, the words of their last fight still hanging in the air.
It doesn't help that this time she was right.
It doesn't matter in the end which of them was right. It never did.
It was never about that. The endless arguments were about them, not what they were doing or not doing.
They were excuses not to face each other, reasons to avoid one another so they wouldn’t keep hurting over things unsaid. She knows now it was stupid, now that she can’t fix it. Now that she can’t go back and just tell him the truth.
The shuttle feels small now and she wonders if she should just leave…go back to the training house or find another ship in need of the legitimizing presence a registered companion could bring.
But leaving now would feel like betrayal somehow, a final slap to the face of the man that she can only now admit she was in love with, the man she wanted to hate but couldn’t…no matter how many times he called her a whore or denigrated her position.
She understood now, much better than before. It was his way of denying his love, just as she hid hers behind clients and companion training. He always came for her when it mattered, protected her, kept her close, even when they fought.
She hated the words she could never take back now, the last argument before Zoe brought him back broken, his dead eyes staring accusingly back at her. She can’t remember what they were fighting about, only that it had gotten heated and he had backed her into the wall of her shuttle, his body close, the heat rolling off of him making her dizzy.
Instead of giving in and kissing him, convincing him to stay with her body, with the truth, with anything and everything she could, she had clung to her dignity, to her pride.
And when he stalked away, silence hung around her, filling her with dread. She hid in her shuttle, pacing, then went to wait with Kaylee and Simon…and when she heard Zoe’s voice, she knew.
All the angry words and every desire to hurt him dropped from her when Zoe and Jayne dragged him onto Serenity. She followed them to the infirmary, tears burning in her eyes. She clung to the door as Zoe ran to the bridge to get them off the ground.
All her training fled her mind, every argument fell flat and in their place was only “I love you.”
And it was too late to matter.
Title: Too Late to Matter
Charcater: Inara, mentions of Zoe, Jayne, Kaylee
Rating: PG
Word Count: 510
Summary: Post Serenity, Inara finally admits her feelings, but it's too late to matter
A/Ns & Warnings: WARNINGS: Character Death (off screen) Written for my second card for
angst_bingo.It haunts her.
In the still, quiet of Serenity in the months after…just after.
The arguments ring in the air for her to hear, to remember. His voice fills her mind and it makes her turn away from the places she remembers him best.
She hasn't stepped foot on the bridge in weeks. She can't bring herself to do more than pass through the kitchen. The infirmary is out of the question. All she sees in there is his body, lifeless and bloody, the words of their last fight still hanging in the air.
It doesn't help that this time she was right.
It doesn't matter in the end which of them was right. It never did.
It was never about that. The endless arguments were about them, not what they were doing or not doing.
They were excuses not to face each other, reasons to avoid one another so they wouldn’t keep hurting over things unsaid. She knows now it was stupid, now that she can’t fix it. Now that she can’t go back and just tell him the truth.
The shuttle feels small now and she wonders if she should just leave…go back to the training house or find another ship in need of the legitimizing presence a registered companion could bring.
But leaving now would feel like betrayal somehow, a final slap to the face of the man that she can only now admit she was in love with, the man she wanted to hate but couldn’t…no matter how many times he called her a whore or denigrated her position.
She understood now, much better than before. It was his way of denying his love, just as she hid hers behind clients and companion training. He always came for her when it mattered, protected her, kept her close, even when they fought.
She hated the words she could never take back now, the last argument before Zoe brought him back broken, his dead eyes staring accusingly back at her. She can’t remember what they were fighting about, only that it had gotten heated and he had backed her into the wall of her shuttle, his body close, the heat rolling off of him making her dizzy.
Instead of giving in and kissing him, convincing him to stay with her body, with the truth, with anything and everything she could, she had clung to her dignity, to her pride.
And when he stalked away, silence hung around her, filling her with dread. She hid in her shuttle, pacing, then went to wait with Kaylee and Simon…and when she heard Zoe’s voice, she knew.
All the angry words and every desire to hurt him dropped from her when Zoe and Jayne dragged him onto Serenity. She followed them to the infirmary, tears burning in her eyes. She clung to the door as Zoe ran to the bridge to get them off the ground.
All her training fled her mind, every argument fell flat and in their place was only “I love you.”
And it was too late to matter.
